Fat experiences

Hi everyone,

I’m hoping for some advice or shared experiences from others who’ve navigated intimacy struggles in long-term relationships. My husband and I met nearly eight years ago on Feabie—he’s both a feeder and a feedee, and at the time, I identified as a feeder who found both male and female weight gain erotic. We bonded over our shared kinks, but also quickly grew into best friends and eventually got married.

We have a strong, loving relationship—emotionally, we’re close and supportive of one another. But our sex life has completely dried up, and it’s been that way for several years now.

At around 350 lbs, my husband has lost most of his interest in sex. He also struggles with arousal and stamina. I’ll be honest: I don’t feel as sexually attracted to him anymore. Part of that is the physical change, like the roundness of his face, but more than that it’s the lack of intimacy, desire, and engagement that makes it hard to connect.

It’s also been difficult because he continued to gain weight even after I stopped encouraging it. I had emotionally stepped back from the feederism dynamic years ago, but he kept going. He eventually reached a size that no longer felt attractive to me—both in terms of physical appearance and the reality of what that size meant for our intimacy, his mobility, and his health. It became a source of distance rather than excitement.

He has now started losing weight for health reasons and has mentioned possibly looking into medication to help with libido. I fully support both of these steps and want him to feel good in his body.

Over the years, I’ve gained weight as well—going from around 130 to 180 lbs. While I still find aspects of weight gain erotic, it now feels more like a reminder of what’s missing than a source of pleasure. I’m not happy with my body or the state of our intimacy.

Before all this, I loved having a passionate sex life—something that was a big part of how our relationship began. But once we stopped focusing on his weight gain, our sexual relationship disappeared.

I feel guilty saying this, but right now my sex life mostly consists of reading posts on this forum and masturbating. It’s incredibly unsatisfying and leaves me feeling alone, like a part of myself is quietly fading away.

I want to be very clear: I do not want to leave him. This isn’t about looking elsewhere. I love my husband deeply, and I want to reconnect with him. But I’m at a loss for how to revive intimacy when:

* He’s not naturally dominant, which is something I respond to sexually.
* He’s not very interested in helping me achieve multiple orgasms, which I need to feel satisfied.
* And when the physical and emotional aspects of our sex life have been neglected for so long.

So I’m asking:

Has anyone here successfully reignited a long-dead sex life with a long-term partner?
Are there realistic ways to rebuild desire and intimacy when both of you—and your dynamic—have changed?

How do you start this conversation and process without making your partner feel judged or rejected?

Thank you so much for reading this and for any kind advice or stories you might share. I’m trying to be honest and constructive, and I appreciate having a place to talk about it.

Hey, is your husband getting his heart checked? Because I am seeing red flags for heart disease.

Hi,
I would also suggest he gets his testosterone level checked. There is a disorder called low T which is when the male body does not produce enough testosterone to which can effect libido sometimes it just occurs normally, but also having excessive amounts of fat as a man can put a man at risk of developing this disorder. I cannot remember the name of the hormone, but there is a hormone that is secreted from fat that tends to convert testosterone or at least lower testosterone levels and allow for estrogen to rise and throw off the hormonal balance . As a side effect of this hormonal imbalance, it can lower a man’s libido as well as give them more feminine features and definitely can affect mood and also can contribute to depression. Usually the treatment for this is a testosterone injection over a period of time or maybe a pill to help try to rebalance the hormones out again. If that treatment is successful you may see an increase in his libido give him more energy and mood may stabilize. I am not an expert, but I have been doing a lot of studying on the flow of testosterone to estrogen recently, and I’ve learned a lot. I suggest you find yourself an endocrinologist that deals with Low T and see if they can get him straightened out. You may have to go see your PCP first and get a test to confirm that that’s the issue before seeing the endocrinologist . Good luck and I hope you all can find a solution to this difficult situation and return some balance to your relationship

Yes.

Setting OP's loss of attraction aside, hubby should not loose his interest in sex at 350. There are scores of men much fatter that have a healthy libido. My partner used to be 500. Now he's around 400. He's never had an issue getting hard or keeping it up.

A lot of people do not realize it, but libido loss is often a symptom of another problem.